This weekend has been hard in London. After nearly a whole month of go, go, go, all this stillness came as a bit of a shock. I cried a river of tears to Mom last night on the phone. And after an hour, she was able to calm me down. Moms are amazing that way – she drives me absolutely bonkers sometimes but she knows just what to say to make me feel SO much better when things are down.
It has been a weekend of solitude for me. First, I’m coming to terms with the fact that I actually have to take some time to really make my flat feel like home. It is so sparsely decorated that it is starting to really affect my mood. One of the things I’ve come to learn while being away is how inherently artsy and tactile I am. Aesthetics matter. A lot. And the way a room looks and feels really affects the way I feel in it. And so tonight, I resolved to take a day next week to go and get the basics – some tables, lamps and plants. I want to want to come home to this place, regardless of how old and unfinished it is.
This weekend has also been a good time of reflection. This (necessary) downtime has brought me back to what’s important. I miss having a family to visit on the weekends. I miss Bear. I miss home cooked meals and my comfortable apartment. I miss having really close friends to spontaneously hang out with. I miss having a car and knowing a city. I miss knowing little haunts around the corner. I miss sunshine. Everyone here has their own lives – they have boyfriends/girlfriends, plans, families etc. In the midst of all these bodies, in this city teeming with people, concerts, restaurants, shops – London, this weekend, felt like a lonely place. It’s a city of transients – everyone is from somewhere else, always on their way to someplace else. And my life has been like that for months – travel, work, plans, travel, work, plans. And this weekend, having none of that, it really did feel lonely. I was SO close to buying a ticket home last night. So so close.
Anyway, today, I forced myself out to look at furniture. And MY GAWD it’s expensive here. It’s a real mental exercise to stop stop stop converting everything into dollars. It has taken me all day to come to terms with the fact that I will HAVE to spend a small fortune half furnishing this flat. But it’ll be worth it. I want to be excited to come home at night, even if in the end, I’ll likely only spend half of my nights in this flat. It’ll be good to feel like I have a home here for the next 9 months.
It’s Sunday night now. Another week draws to a close. Here’s to a new day, a new outlook. Here’s to a year in Londontown. =)
