In high school, girl friends and I would obsessively take those “How great of a lover are you?” tests in trashy magazines like Cosmopolitan, Allure or Vogue. Actually, we became hyper obsessed with Cosmo specifically, because it was racy, gratuitous and sexy – everything that we were not. I was a real dork in high school. Dork, dork, dork. I chose to go to a school way on the other side of the city purely because it offered the International Baccalaureate program (kind of like A.P. but geekier). It’s the kind of program that lets you take university level English, Chemistry and Physics during the 11th grade because it’s supposed to make a difference in your life. It did not. It just stole time away from things I would rather have done, like sports, art and music. But whatever. I digress.
According to Cosmo, I was supposed to be a passionate lover, an emotional girl friend and a sophisticated fashionista. All at the tender age of 16. I have no idea why we cared so much about these stupid questionnaires. We’d take them during Math class and discuss during lunch. Maybe it was some form of escapism. Had I really french kissed enough boys to be able to determine my kissing style? NO. Had I had enough boyfriends to determine how I’d react to cheating? Nope. Had I cared enough about fashion to determine whether I was a Chanel girl vs. a Gucci girl? Of course not. But somehow, it made us feel normal – diagnosed into one of three possible types and that felt good. It felt good to feel understood. Aha! I’m not crazy! The magazine knows exactly why I act the way I do! That describes me exactly!
And you’d think I’d outgrown this strange desire to be “classified” by some third-party quiz. But no. About a year ago, I became obsessed with Myers Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) quizzes. These were especially gratifying. I’m apparently an ENFP (Extroverted Intuitive Feeling Perceiving) type – led by emotion and intuition, an enthusiastic people person, dreamy and aspirational… blah blah blah. I would forward some version of the free online test to everyone I knew, including the boy I was dating at the time (who is now my boyfriend). Somehow, I felt that I could understand people more if I knew their type. I’d start conversations with questions like, “What Myers Briggs type are you? I bet you’re an INTJ. Am I right?”. I’d be shocked to find out that many people, most people, hadn’t even heard of the test. Really?! Why not?! It’s the secret to discovering your true self!
Well, I was forwarded another personality test just a few days ago. This one is the Enneagram Test and it classifies people into 8 different types. I’m a tie between a Type 3 and a Type 7. And overwhelmingly so. You can score a maximum of eight points for any one type. I scored a seven on both. And I am actually a little concerned. How am I two different personality types at once? Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Ying and Yang. Am I fighting with myself?! One type is success-oriented and pragmatic. The other is variety-seeking and spontaneous. While one necessarily requires focus, the other thrives on being undisciplined. While one is status-conscious, the other is scattered. How can I possibly be both?! Equally?! This is supposed to help me understand myself. I do not understand! Make me understand!
What type are you?
