It’s Tuesday. I’m supposed to be moved out of my flat by Saturday morning and hopping on a plane to Athens to see Miss Maria. I am IN AN INTERNET cafe (I still can’t get over how Dark Ages it feels, especially since I worked for THE tech company just a month ago!) and procrastinating all the packing that I have to do. I’ve realized that even if you’re NOT working, procrastination still applies. You procrastinate all the things that are just a tad less interesting than the rest. And right now, packing is the least interesting thing on my list of things to do.
Anyway, it is cloudy in London and even though I should be annoyed that my last few days aren’t spent in gorgeous sunshine, the immature part of me is gleeful to be leaving this city when it’s cloudy. It helps me to distance myself from the London that I will love love love forever and ever and ever.
We’ve been taking time to enjoy little bits of it these last few days. Went to the National Portrait Gallery on Monday in between errands. Last night we attended a Tchaikovsky piano concerto at the Royal Albert Hall as part of this summer’s BBC Proms. Tonight, dinner with friends. Tomorrow, more coffees and lunches and dinners and packing.
I love this city. And I always will. My mom says that it’s always important to leave a place/job on a high. You want to leave loving it so that you will always come back, so that you will always have fond memories and warm words to say when you speak of your past. This makes sense. But it also makes it a bit harder to leave. It’s hard to walk away from a good thing. But it is the necessary thing to do if you want a chance to discover a great thing.
I am nostalgic, excited, anxious, stressed. But as I take these next few days to pack up (yet again) and prepare myself for another adventure, I’ve come to realize a few important things:
A house is not a home without the love, the music, the colour and the friendship that brightens its walls. The flat is a mess and as gorgeous as it is, it no longer feels like our home. Cynthia is gone. Our pictures our down. Our books are packed. It is just another flat in great big London. It’s emptiness gives me a wonderful sense of comfort. I will always have Cynthia in my life. And we can always build a home, wherever we happen to be, in whatever part of the world.
Work is work. People are what matter. Seeing some friends from work on Monday night for birthday drinks was lovely. I’ve missed them! A lot! It was all smiles and laughter and gossip. Hugs and kisses and inside jokes. I will miss them so much. But I didn’t miss the work and I don’t think I ever will. People make our lives. Not careers, not incomes, not prestige or promotions. People are what count.
Technology is necessary. I cannot live without it ever again. Three weeks in the African bush WITHOUT Internet has been the most torturous experience ever. I feel mute without a keyboard! I tried to keep a journal but became impatient with my own writing speed. I need a computer and the Internet. Always. I am a techno-geek and so proud of it. NEVER again will I be without my own computer. It is my bridge to the world and to all the people that I connect with on an hourly basis.
Fear is the absence of Faith. My Mom always reminds me of this. I’ve been all over the place in my head these last few weeks. I’ve put myself on this ridiculous roller coaster ride. Fear and excitement. Fear and excitement. All the unknowns bring so much possibility but unknowns are scary. Then the faith kicks in and I remember that it will all turn out amazing in the end. It will be a pivotal year. I know it.
At the very core, all that matters are your family and friends. In the bitter cold of the Zambian night, with no warm water, in all the dirt and mud, I didn’t wish for my bed or 700 thread count sheets. I didn’t care about a warm house or carpeted floors. All I wanted was a direct phone line to my Mom and girl friends so that I could laugh/cry/complain about the whole absurd experience of camping in the middle of winter in the Southern Hemisphere. I missed their love and laughter even more than warm water!!!!
