I’m not a person who does well with trade-offs. I’m in an immigrant child, taught early in life to open as many doors as possible, to be opportunistic and efficient in my efforts (hence the double majors, and honours societies, and free internships), looking always to maximize inputs and returns. [Economics must be an easy subject for immigrant children – it’s all so obvious! =)]
These past few months have been a good practice in evaluating trade-offs. To travel, to find some time to myself, to be creative full time, I had to give up my full time job. To come to Argentina for 8 weeks, I had to give up 8 weeks somewhere else. To learn Spanish, I had to let go of trying to learn French. And so on, and so forth.
This is a hard exercise for me. So difficult! I am usually able to do all the things I want, all at once. Efficient? Perhaps not (there is a theory that says multi-tasking actually yields subprime results and utility). Satisfactory? To my maximizer brain, yes. But sometimes, options are polar opposites of each other – mutually exclusive in effort, time and geography.
These last few weeks, I’ve been playing half time and working/thinking/consulting half time. And the half and half has been good. It has given me perspective, opened up doors, and enabled me to find and talk to the right people in the right places so as to gain even more insight. Remember what I said about serendipitous moments revealing themselves so as to provide opportunities for change and fulfillment? Well, I’ve had many moments like these over the last 3 weeks and my brain and heart can’t stop thinking/feeling.
What to do next? Travel some more, as planned, through Asia – take photographs, write, wander and breathe in the space that I’ve always wanted? Or, pursue new opportunities to do something big, different, crazy, fun, great – throw myself completely into something that excites me? I can’t do both. I would cheat myself from either experience by having one foot in each door. It’s an all or nothing game now – much of life is and should be – and I’m at a crossroads. What to do?! It’s not worth my time to do something half-assed (the Dalai Lama once said that we should approach love and cooking with reckless abandon. Isn’t this true of everything else in life?). So what do I do full-assed (excuse my French!)? Work? Play? Would it be possible to do both?!
Perhaps that’s the answer. I will know what’s right when it feels like there is no trade-off – when the work and the play become the same. When I am able to put my work and play effort into something that can consume me, completely, without having to choose between the two. Maybe the answer is simple: Passion. Pure Perfect Passion.
