a girl in the world

finding beauty, pleasure and grace on the road less traveled

The road to health

I went to the gym last week and Dan-the-trainer weighed me for the first time since I started seeing him. And I just about fell over myself! I’ve gained 6 pounds since October. SIX POUNDS! I’ve been at the same weight since I was 19 years old so to hear that I gained 6 pounds boggles my mind! But he says that much of it is muscle. Oh really? Where?! I don’t see it!!! The only thing that has felt even remotely muscular these days has been my butt. It’s bigger. It looks bigger, it fits tighter in my jeans, I hit things with it when I turn corners. I have an ass now! But could it really be 6 pounds worth?!? I don’t think soooo!

In all seriousness, deciding to work out on a regular basis has been the best thing that I’ve done for myself all year. It’s not cheap to have a trainer but I decided months ago that I’m going to invest in my health and in my well-being. You only have one body! You better use it and take good care of it. The workouts have totally been paying off. I have so much more energy, I sleep much better at night, I’m less stressed and my mind feels clearer each day. The endorphins that are released after a work-out are addictive – they give you a natural high and most nights, I have more mental energy after I leave the gym than before, even if my body is completely wrecked.

There is also something really raw and sensual about working your muscles, working the physical aspect of yourself. I sit in an office all day long, working my mind, always in my head about everything. It is so nice to just get down to the basic, animal rawness of working your body to a sweat, of watching your muscles tense up as you lift weights, of feeling the burn of that one last push-up before you collapse into a heap on the floor. A body in motion is so beautiful – angles and curves, softness and hardness. It’s art. And it makes you appreciate just how completely miraculous the human body machine really is. The pain and relief, the anguish and joy – it all makes me feel so so alive.

If you aren’t already committing yourself to regular exercise, start!!! It will be the greatest gift that you can give to yourself this year. I promise.

The blessing of girl friends

A lot of things have happened in my life over the last 1.5 years I’ve spent living in Europe. I needed change, I needed to get away from some pain I had with A, I needed a shake up. I had planned for my time in Europe to be short – a year – and knew that I would be back to my normal life in no-time. Well, a little less than two years later, I’m still here but in such a different place emotionally and mentally. Sometimes I think about how different things would be if I hadn’t left and I know that I probably would have been just as content and happy —- but a little less exposed, and much less knowledgeable about myself and the world. Times like this change a person. You outgrow a few things, you learn a lot and if you’re watching carefully, you become aware of all the amazing gifts and blessings that come your way.

Like girl friends.

The two best loves of my life right now are M and C. The relationship that we share has been medicine for the heart. Before them, I hadn’t had any close girl relationships in a very very long time. Having had a boyfriend for nearly 6 years made it really hard for me to get close to other people and because I’m actually a very private person, it makes it hard for me to get close to people regardless! But, there is something so special and unique about having true girl friends.

We cook together and share family recipes. We will kiss each other goodnight after a long crazy day at work. There is always a tea-time check-in and a bedtime laugh. We push each other to live our dreams, to get rid of silly boys, to live up to our potential, to stand up for ourselves, to smile often, to worry less, to dance, to laugh. To laugh, to laugh, to laugh.

Our relationships are so open and honest. They’re the kind of women I can cry to about nothing, I would swim naked with in the ocean, whose secrets will be buried with me to the grave. They are family and laughter and joy. Their love has been a true blessing in my life.

If I come out of this time abroad with one thing that has been truly life changing, I would really have to say that it has been the blessing of girl friends in my life. They are food to the soul.

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Nov 27th, 2008 – Back from China

I found this excerpt in my “Drafts” folder. Another example of why travel is so good for the soul.

I’m back from China. And I don’t think I realize just how much that trip has affected me. It’s the kind of trip that will take weeks to settle, the kind that was so stimulating and so mind stretching, that the effects will come only after I give myself the time to let it all seep through. It was amazing. Shocking, uplifting, physically and mentally challenging and just a real eye opener. I’m back feeling grateful, a little more wide eyed and stretched than before. I see things differently. There is a simple abundance everywhere. And I hope that this feeling lasts. I want it to live in me for a long long time. I’m full of so much mental energy, I really don’t know what to do with it. I am craving the stimulus, the novelty, the shock of being somewhere different and new. I love the idea of meeting new people, hearing their stories, making them smile. I feel somewhat limited in this life right now – stuck in an office all day, wishing for something different.

Hi, I'm Denise. I'm a writer, artist and photographer. This is where I share what I'm seeing, learning and making.
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