Husband
January 10, 2020
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A well traveled friend stopping by London a few weeks ago described this city as obnoxiously expensive. And that it is. I remember when I first transferred here back in 2007 how hard it was for me to adjust to the prices. A box of cereal converted to $5. A litre of milk $3.50. A McDonald’s big mac meal $7! A movie ticket the equivalent of $24!!! It was (is) madness! Friends at work told me that if I had any hope in enjoying my time here, I’d have to STOP converting things in my head and just think in pounds. That’s easy to do if you’re earning in pounds but if the monthly paycheque is coming in dollars, a $24 movie ticket is a hard thing to swallow.
A few weeks ago, the mayor launched a London bike scheme – a network of publicly available bicycles strategically placed throughout the centre of the city similar to programs in Paris and Barcelona. Great idea, right?! I thought so too, until we saw the prices! It’d make more sense to purchase your own bike at these rates!
On the other hand, obnoxiously expensive can also be ridiculously entertaining. Last week, we visited The Wonder Room at Selfridges and as I licked the display cases of jewels upon jewels of sparkling beauty, a very nice sales lady offered to let me try on a £14,000 ruby encrusted, rose gold, Boucheron seahorse cocktail ring. Be still my heart! Why of course I’d love to try that on! In fact, I’m happy to adopt the entire animal line and house them on all ten of my fingers. Obnoxiously beautiful. And right next to it: a £365,000 5-karat diamond ring. I thought they’d made a mistake by adding a few too many zeroes. Apparently not. As lovely as a stone like that would be, I’m not quite sure I could wrap my head around the fact that I’d be wearing the equivalent of the expense of a small mansion on my finger. Apparently, a client was coming in later in the day to purchase it. Heh. I didn’t want it anyway. Too gaudy for my delicate little fingers 😉
And then there are the ridiculous cars and the £7000 car wash that they need. And not to mention the crazy hotels and eating venues and shopping streets. This place looks, feels, sounds and smells like the most liquid and gratuitous market in the world. There isn’t a hint of the recession here. And that’s scary!
It’s been a fun few weeks perusing the swank neighbourhoods and shops in this city. And sometimes it just makes me laugh. A year ago, I was trying to decide which hole in the ground to pee over in Africa: the one with the spider on the wall or the one with the turd on the floor. A friend once told me that I should push to experience a wide breadth of what the world has to offer and wide that experience has been thus far!
Perspective.
I’ve consumed more alcohol in the last month in this city than I have over the last year. The drinking culture here is intense. Not only have I been to more bars and pubs in the last few weeks than at any other time, but I’ve never been more busy. It seems there is an endless list of people to see and meet. I feel like the most popular kid in school. It is exhausting.
London is a town of many acquaintances. It is a hotbed of friends-of-friends, long-lost cousins, workmates, visiting workmates, friends of your new significant other, gym mates, dance class mates, relatives passing through. There’s always someone stopping over during a work trip, stopping over between flights, stopping over just because. And sooner or later, the rule of six degrees of separation proves itself scarily and regularly true with the people that you know. Someone knows someone who knows your cousin and you should meet with them tomorrow night!
This is all wonderful and social and exciting but wow, it’s a lot of beer/wine to be consuming on a weekly basis. Here, people hardly go for dinners out. They’re expensive, they’re time intensive, they require advance planning. Restaurants are packed early and close early (kitchens usually close at around 10 or 11!). You need time commitments, a booking, a planned transport route to get everyone to the same place at the same time without risk of losing your table. Too much work. Instead, we meet for drinks. Drinks after work, drinks after dinner, drinks before the movie, drinks after the movie, drinks at multiple locations on the same street. Drinks from 6pm onwards and into the eve. And before you know it, it’s 9pm, kitchens are closing, you’re tipsy as a bat and there’s nowhere left to go but another pub. Your dinner’s worth of calories have you staring down the bottom of a bottle and there’s still another 3 hours left in the evening before the tube (subway) shuts down.
So, you drink. You toast. You order rounds and accept rounds. Of beers, of ciders, of shandies and Pimm’s. If you’re brave, you’ll try for the pub house wine and if you’re smart, you’ll try to get a side of peanuts to help neutralize the effects of litres of alcohol on an empty stomach.
Rinse and repeat. From Monday through Saturday if you so choose. And realistically, drinks every night of the week isn’t an impossible task. Actually, it’s much harder to avoid than you think. And before you know it, your diet consists of breakfast, lunch and booze. The diet of champions!
