Nightmares. I’ve been having a bunch of them lately. In all sorts of forms and sizes. I remember killing someone slowly with a bread knife in the front seat of a car. Another time I was being chased by no one in particular. A few days ago the boy had to wake me up because I was sobbing in my sleep. It was something about a sad man and his very sad dog.
Last night’s was the weirdest. There were several of us in the house and a man had come in threatening to kill us all. We decided to hide. I hid in the clothes dryer and when he checked inside, I had to play dead. I woke up at 6.45 AM with the image of a man’s head staring at me from the outside of a clothes dryer. I tried to get back to sleep but couldn’t. So I grabbed breakfast, watched BBC news and saw the sunrise for the first time in many many months.
What hidden message is my subconscious trying to communicate? Murder, sad dogs and being trapped in a clothes dryer. I do not see a theme. I am either a) insane, b) totally disturbed, or c) suffering the consequences of fostering a wild imagination and encouraging the trauma by snacking before bed. I’m hoping it’s c).
But let’s pretend I’m b) totally disturbed. What is it that I’m running away from? Who is the man poking at me from outside the clothes dryer and why am I so scared of him? Is he some representation of my own fears? A person whose ghost I should lay to rest? Is he God trying to tell me something and I’m not listening?! Is he the Boogeyman?!
I’ve never had straight weeks of constant nightmares before. It must be something I’m eating. We changed the duvet just around the same time my mares started to appear. Could it be I’m allergic to wool? The wise me says I should dig deeper – figure out what it is that I’m so scared of. But honestly, I don’t even know. If anything, I’m scared of fear and it’s debilitating power to paralyze, to lay seeds of doubt, to make us stop before we even begin. But I know that. I face that fear everyday. So why would Fear be knocking on my door every night needing so much attention?!
Is there a psychologist in the house? I’d love a diagnosis. Anyone?
