A few months ago, on a fresh London evening, a girl friend and I were sitting at a pub catching up about the year away. We talked travel and work and friendship. Under the buzz of after-office revelry, we opened up about pain and history and the men in our lives. She asked me about the Boy and how things were going. And I said in an instant, “I don’t know how it’s possible but everyday it gets better and better. Usually, things start out really great and fizzle away over time, but with this one, it’s been the opposite”. She smiled and said, “I love the slow burn”.
The slow burn.
Like unwrapping a present one fold at a time, the slow burn is an exercise in patience. It’s believing when there is no proof. It’s anticipating when there is no map. It’s moving forward in the complete pitch black trusting that whatever happens, things will turn out as they should. It’s the opposite of control. It’s about not needing to know the future, it’s about being ok with uncertainty, it’s about embracing the moment.
The last year away has been a slow burn for me. So much of the path I took while traveling, exploring and learning was uncharted. On certain occasions, I didn’t even know where I’d sleep that night. And on a grander scale, I had no idea what I was going to do after the journey was over, whenever “over” came. It was an exercise in becoming completely comfortable with myself and all the non-answers that plagued me. Did I make the right decision? Am I in the right place? Where will I be a year from now?
There were moments during my travels when these questions would drive me crazy. I’d been so used to having answers, to having it all planned out. Sitting in the nucleus of a self-made bubble of ambiguity was sometimes painful, sometimes exhilarating and almost always scary.
It has taken me a while to realize this but the slow burn is probably one of life’s best gifts. In friendship, in work, in love and in dreams, the most important element is time. Time reveals all the details that matter. Time gives you the perspective and level-headedness to see past the fear, the heady excitement and the unease of change. It helps you dig through the superficial and gives you the clarity to really see the bare bones truth of what you need to know. It really is like opening the most amazing present there is, one small fold, one piece of scotch-tape at a time.
Patience is key. Welcome the slow burn. If you rush through, you may miss out on the stuff that matters.
