I’ve finally ventured out of the rabbit hole and made it out for lunch today. I met actual people! I changed out of my pajamas! I saw the light of day!
It has been nice to come back to a place with familiar friends around. For so long I got used to the idea of landing in a city and making my own way. There is such comfort in knowing that there is a network of great people here who have known me for more than five minutes, who know some random quirk about me, who understand what I’m talking about when I say something cryptic or ambiguous or loaded. That kind of intimacy becomes more and more valuable the older I get.
Over the last few weeks, many great people from the past have walked into my life unexpectedly. There was dinner with an old high school friend in Kuala Lumpur. Email dates with a friend from University. Phone gossiping with a best girl friend. A chance encounter with a locked-away part of history. It sounds like an oxymoron but the past can be so refreshing. All things familiar are all of a sudden new.
A pattern has been consistent throughout all of these encounters: we’re all growing up. Where once we moaned about wanting more excitement, more spontaneity, and more drama, my dear friends are finding peace. There is an overwhelming desire to go back to the simple things, to find meaning, to take control of the uncontrollable. People are having babies, buying houses, getting married, finding love. The values of family, of parenting, of peace, of stability are becoming more and more a part of our conversations.
Instead of just talking about the now, our shared histories enable us to connect the past with the present, so that we can make sense of our future wants and goals. History is important. It’s powerful, it’s deep, it’s healing. And what I realize more and more is that the older we get, the more we need the people we knew when we were young. There is a different kind of intimacy there that can’t be built anew.
Though I’m not yet ready to find a plot of land, build a house and fill it with babies, I do feel the desire to maintain deeper relationships with a small handful of important people, to build closer relationships with my brother and parents, to find some mental and physical peace amidst the chaos of all of this travel and exploration. Maybe growing up means finding balance, finding an equilibrium that gives us the courage and opportunity to grow and the wisdom and perspective to see beauty in the little things.
